Parents of Two

The other night I found myself walking very slowly up and down the street staring at the ground at about midnight. A man walked by me and gave me a funny look and I had a quick glimpse of who he probably thought I was-- drunk British tourist trying to find my way home. What I actually was was a mother of two searching for a lost dummy for her three month old. As I came home empty handed, I had one of those moments where I realize that somehow, somewhere between high school and here, I became a mother. I remember telling Andrew after S was born that it was so weird to me that my obituary would now read "mother of two". Morbid, but I find it fascinating.

I had another "I'm a mom?!?" moment the other day. This time instead of being surprised by it, I felt so genuinely happy and grateful for it. The other day I was sitting on the couch in the nursery with the boys. O was drinking his bedtime milk and sitting next to me and S was in my lap watching him. O very casually reached up and put his arm around S and sat there drinking his bottle and side hugging his brother. It was the most natural little gesture for him but it was one of those moments that I wanted to melt into for eternity. I've been reading a physics book about extra dimensions and I'm so grateful science backs up a belief that I hold and that I need to be true. I need to believe that time is not linear and that somewhere someplace moments like that still exist. I'm grateful for my belief in a God that exists and that loves His children and that with my beliefs there are also many many things I don't understand because then I can still believe that those moments are not lost to the past, but are held somewhere in the eternities waiting for me to visit them again.