With S, the solution seemed to be to just get pregnant around that time and skip the whole process.
This time around, I find it oddly comforting. The other day as I was cleaning out our shower drain for the third time in one shower, I actually kept rinsing in hopes of washing out any more hairs that felt like taking their chances on a life detached from my head. I wanted to shed them all. Letting them go lightened me. Each hair that fell seemed to leave a place that hope filled. The hair will come back. I will get my body back. I will slowly but surely find time for things like movies and Sunday night popcorn and apples. I will fit into something other than yoga pants and maternity t-shirts, depending on how soon I can perfect my pies and halt the quest.
I'm still afraid to look in the mirror but at least this time around I know that in a few months I get to be fascinated at all those little spikes growing in. I keep dreaming of getting a chic short haircut but hold onto my long sparse locks because they carry my history. There's the layer after O that's about 18 inches long, S's layer is about half that, and now my widening part is making way for J.
2 comments:
I clogged the drain in our shower so many times. I'm glad you can be positive about this. The fact that I had some gray hairs falling out after this last baby did not help my attitude.
I started getting the grays during the pregnancy but not so bad that a few highlights couldn't hide it. The problem was that sitting int he salon chair for so long made my legs swell so bad I couldn't fit in my shoes and had to ask for a stool to prop them up. I have never felt more humiliatingly like my grandmother in my life. I think I would have felt more attractive just sporting those grays and saving the leg swelling and foot propping for the privacy of my own home.
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